James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

 Bonnie Bailey - Ever After

Three years ago, our journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating, when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love, and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

Emotions, volcanic eruptions
We both still care, so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you, I want to make it right

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine

[2x]
And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Every time I hear these songs parang nagiging nostalgic ako.. May sentimental value kasi sa akin ang 2 songs na toh. I get sad, frustrated, and anxious whenever I get to hear them..

You're Beautiful by James Blunt was the first song dedicated to me by a very special person that I still can't forget no matter how hard I try.. The lyrics contain a very special meaning that somehow stirs my emotions as memories of our days together flood back to me..

Ever After is his current favorite song.. I don't know.. I just feel attached to everything that has something to do with "this person". Siguro minahal ko nga talaga siya..

Bakit kaya ganun noh? Bakit mas mahirap kalimutan ang isang taong sinaktan ka kaysa sa taong sinaktan mo? Matagal ko na sinasabi sa sarili ko to move on.. I really want to get over it and just live my own life.. But, it's really hard.. It makes me feel sad..

By the way.. Ngayon eh monthsary nung mahal ko tsaka nung kasalukuyang minamahal niya..

Oh Lord.. I'm calling out helplessly.. Help me overcome this emptiness, this pain inside me.. You are all omniscient, you know what is best for me.. I-direct mo ko sa right path.. AMEN

 


Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot...



...who calls you back when you hang up on him...



...who will stay awake just to watch you sleep...



...wait for the guy who kisses your forehead...



...who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats...



...who holds your hand in front of his friends...



...wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you...



...wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her, my love, my life"...

   Hmm.. everytime i get to see some of my friends who watch the korean film of GMA, Jewel in the Palace, hindi din nawawala yung isang kanta na theme song ata nina kapitan at ni Jang Geum. hehehe. Ang cute nga? Nakakakilig! Ahahaha.. Sa lahat ng alipin ng pag-ibig like me.. Here's one hot song from Shamrock..

alipin
shamrock

di ko man maamin
ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
di ko man maisip
sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip

malabo man ang aking pgiisip
sana'y pakinggan mo
ang sigaw nitong damdamin

chorus:
ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana ay iyong naririnig
sa 'yong yakap ako'y nasasabik

ayoko sa iba
sa yo ako ay hindi magsasawa
ano man ang yong sabihin
umasa ka ito ay diringgin

madalas man na parang
aso at pusa giliw
sa piling mo ako ay masaya

ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana ay iyong naririnig
sa 'yong yakap ako'y nasasabik

pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
basta sa akin wag kang mawawala…

ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana ay iyong naririnig
sa 'yong yakap ako'y nasasabik

pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
malamig man o mainit ang gabi
nais ko sanang iparating
na ikaw lamang ang aking iibigin

   Waah.. hehehe... andito na ako ule.. nakabalik na ako mula sa sandali kong pagtakas.. wahaha... nakapagcharge na ako ng energy, nakain ko na lahat ng gusto kong makain.. naitulog ko na lahat ng pagod ko.. at ngayon, handa na ako para harapin ang mga panibagong pagsubok na kelangan kong harapin..

   hmp? nakakainis nmn? ang korny nmn nung naisulat ko? hahaha! anyway.. ang sarap pala magbakasyon pero hindi ko rin masyado naenjoy kasi super ikli ng allotted na time.. Biruin mo, march 28 hanggang april 3 lng ako dun sa province nmn? ambilis bilis pa ng araw, oras, minuto at segundo! ay naku! let's have a recap nga of what i did over my 1 wk vacation.

First day:    Well, madaling araw dumating ako, sinundo ako ni mama. Napakaswerte, naisabit ni mama ang likod ng sasakyan namin nung umatras siya para bumili ng puto sa nadaanan namin na gumagawa ng puto. Putik na puto.. Tsk tsk.. Nakakatawa pa naman si mama pag nagpapanic. Hehehe. Bakal lang yun, sabi ko, kaya ayos lang.Pasalamat nga siya at wala siyang nasagasaan at hindi din kami nasaktan, di ba?hehe. second time na ito na nadamage ni mama ang sasakyan.. Halaa.. Lagot siya kay dad! hahaha! Ito din ang dahilan ng maaga naming pagpunta dito sa manila, ipapaayos kasi ung sasakyan. Tsk,tsk,tsk.

                Fiesta na pala dun sa town namin, kaya namin after nakikain ng lunch dun sa grumaduate sa college na pinsan, sumama ako sa kapatid ko na manood ng parada with her friends. Bakit kaya ganun? Pag andito ako, parang napakacommon ko lang at hindi ganoon napapansin ng ibang tao. Tapos parang nakakainis un. Pero nung andun naman ako, para naman akong hindi normal kasi kahit saan ako magpunta pinagtitinginan ako? Tapos naasar din ako? Buti na lang magaling ako mangdeadma! haha. Anu ba yan? And then.. Reunion tol! haha. Nagkita-kita kami ule nung mga highschool friends ko. Nakakataba ng puso nung sabihin nila na namiss nila ako talaga.. Tapos magkakasama kaming nanuod ng fireworks display. Aargh..Sana may pictures.. Tsk, tsk..

               Unang araw pa lang.. andami na nangyari..

Second day:    May mga batchmates pala ako na nabuntis at ngayon may mga anak na. May kaclose ako dun na isa, ung daberkads namin nag agree na bisitahin siya. Ang cute cute talaga nung baby niya! Siyempre, mana sa ninang! (EHEM!) hehe. ayun, napagkwentuhan namin ung nangyari sa kaniya. She's not bitter about what happened to her. In fact, masaya siya and sabi niya her baby is her lucky charm. Kahit na hindi naniniwala ung gagong nambuntis sa kaniya na anak niya un, she's fine. Very supportive pa rin ang kaniyang parents sa kaniya eh. Well, I'm happy for her too. Buti naman at maganda ang outlook niya sa buhay niya ngayon.

Third day:   Ang masasabi ko lang sa araw na ito.. Masarap kumain! yahoo! hehe. Talagang naghahanap ako ng sasama sa akin na kumain sa labas sa araw na to. Kaso yung kuya ko naasar kasi kay mama, ayun tuloy nawalan siya ng gana. Kaya yung isa na lang na kapatid ko ang inaya ko. Grabe, magmemeryenda na nga lang, pupunta pa sa bayan? hehehehe. eh sa masarap talaga kumain eh? ;-P

Fourth day:    Nagpunta naman kami ng Vigan para magpa-adjust ng braces. wahahahaha! ewan ko kung nakakatakot, nakakaasar o nakakatawa ang nagyari sakin nun. Kasi naman, naglalakad kami nung kapatid ko sa Plaza Maestro, panay tingin nila samin.. Problema ba ng mga tao dun? Eto pa, ang damit ko kasi nun eh color yelloe, ngayon yung mamang nadaanan namin nagsabi ng "hi miss na naka-yellow". Deadma Queen talaga ako! hehe. Ang pinakamasaklap sa lahat.. May isang lalaki na bigla na lang sumulpot sa likod namin, akala ko may nahulog kami.. Sabi ba naman, "ate, ate, pwede bang makuha number mo??" waaah! antaray ng lola mo! Siyempre sabi ko, NO! In the back of my mind, sino ka ba? Buti sana kung kamukha mi si papa richard gutierrez, or si papa sam milby! hekhek. Sukat ba namang kulitin kami kahit na tumanggi na ako? Ayun, binilisan na namin yung paglakad! aay naku.. parang dun lang sila nakakita ng tao ah? pshew.. half tao, half-alien pala ako. Churi.. hekhek..

Fifth day: Wala. Nasa bahay lang ako at nakatunganga. Pinakasatisfying na gawain! hahahaha.

Sixth day:    Sunday ito di ba?? Nakakainis! aaargghh.. Hindi ako nakapagsimba!! ang isa sa spiritual goal ko pa naman sa year na ito eh makumpleto ang lahat ng sunday masses!! aaahhhh.... si mama kasi eh?huhuhu.. paiba-iba ng plano..huhuu.. late din kasi ako nagising. kaya un..

Seventh day:    This is my last day sa bahay namin. Oh my gosh.. haay.. Tapos tuwang tuwa ako nung hapon kasi sa wakas naisipan nung friend ko na pumunta ng bahay! hahah! sinabihan niya ako date nung nagkita kami nung first day ko na puntahan ko siya sa bahay nila one time. kaso tinamad kasi ako eh? Ang init kasi and ang sarap magstay sa bahay. hekhek. Andami namin napagkwentuhan kaso ayoko na isulat dito kasi ang haba na pala ang entry ko na toh. basta un na un.

Ahhhh... at ngayon andito na naman ako..... Well.. Change is inevitable and we have to move on with it. kaya yan.. ako pa? eh ako ang alter ego ni Wonder woman?? ahahahaha..

It's so hard pretending to be friends with someone especially when everytime you look at that person, it just hurts even more knowing that all you see is ultimately everything that you want but you can't have...

What if someone has taken your place in your loved one's heart? ..... ouch, right? But it hurts even more when you realize that.. that place has never been yours anyway...

There would come a time when we have to stop loving someone... you know why? not because the person started hating us.. but because the person unintentionally make us feel worthless...

When i found out that I'm fallin in love with him, you know what i did? I just kept quiet. Why? Coz even if I tell it to the whole world, it would only hurt to see everybody listening.. except him...

Leaving someone behind means you only want the best for them, even if it means swallowing the sad reality that... "the best just isn't you..."

It's hard to go on loving when the one you love can never be yours.. no matter how hard you try abd how much you do.. you just have to accept that the person you love is not meant for you...

Pretending not to be hurt is a brave thing to do.. But crying is more brave.. Why? Coz not everyone can accept the fact that not all things are meant to be..

Bakit kelangang tumibok ang puso sa taong di laan para sa iyo? Bakut kelangang magmahal para lang sa huli masasaktan?At bakit kelangan niya iparamdam na mahal ka rin niya kung iba ang pinili niya?

Tiz hard to smile, to show you're not hurt, to giggle, to pretemd you're okey.. to laugh after you'ver cried.. what's worst is, when someone makes you feel special, then just leave you behind..

Someone who's very fast could easily escape from a gun but he can never avoid the bullet.. just like in love.. you could easily avoid someone but never the love that strikes the heart.

 haay naku.. wala lang.. naisipan ko lang magpost ng mga quotes dito na galing sa cp ko.. puno na kasi inbox ko eh tapos nanghihinayang ako mambura eh magaganda naman mga un, tsaka nasasayangan ako sa thought nung mga nagsend.. hehe.. teka, napansin ko, bakit kaya halos lahat ng natatanggap kong messages ngaun ay akmang-akma sa kasalukuyang sitwasyon at nararamdaman ko? mga friends.. nagpapatama ba talaga kayo?? haha.. haay...

waaah... finally... after days of mind torture inside our dungeon-like classrooms, after so many gruesome fights with our frog in our zoology class, after enduring our professors' endless litanies, criticisms, and excruciating evaluations, after so many sleepless nights because of cramming for homeworks, projects and reports, after facing different kind of people with freakish attitudes, and after bearing what seemed like another unbearable semester.. finally, oh finally...

VACATION NAAAA!!!   whoopeeee!!

grabeh, kala ko hindi ako makakaabot ng buhay..haha.. sobrang exagg naman un.. whew.. ang sarap ng feeling na i can stay up as late as i want without anything to bother or worry about. i can sleep throughout the whole day if i want to, pero xmpre gigising ako para lang makakain! hahaha! wow!! bakasyon na talaga.. kahit pa sabihing 2 wks lang toh, solved na ko.. hehe.. basta makapagpahinga and makapagspend ng time with my family sa province, ok na! yay.. im goin home.. im goin home.. im goin home.. oh mumma, i miss ya so much! haha..

Home sweet home! Here I come!! yippee!

Silent Miseries

Still as the cold night I lay

In whispers I call you to stay

In the silence of the dawn

I keep in wait for your return.

Here I am in awed silence

I'm withdrawn from all I sense

Truth has gained luminescence

How savage, its sweet revenge.

So I hold on to this knife

I'm bleeding, my life's in strife

Hushed screams will be kept unheard

Deep wounds continue to hurt.

Uncried tears never come to dry

They well up the hollow inside

I cringe in painful sorrow

I'm choked; can contain no more.

I keep on running, hiding

The truth keeps on following

You will never be witness

To the agony I keep.

Still as the cold night I lay

I'm secretly hoping, wishing you'll stay

Alas! As light slowly creeps

Silently, I cry myself to sleep.

Mary Ellaine, your true color is Black!

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Tickle's Emotional IQ test. But your Emotional IQ score is much more than just a number: it's an indicator of success.

Research has shown that people with high emotional intelligence scores — not necessarily those with the highest IQ scores — tend to be the most valued and productive employees and have the longest and happiest romantic relationships.

So, where are you most emotionally smart? Your test results show that your strongest suit is empathy — your ability to see things from someone else's point of view.

haay.. after so many weeks, sa wakas inopen ko ule tong blogdrive account ko. i dont know. it's just that sometimes i feel na parang i don't have anyhing interesting to write at all. and i'm getting busier and busier each day kasi malapit na naman ang final exams. i remember, i thought of writing about something on valentine's day. but then again, what the heck? ano naman ang isusulat ko? about how ordinary it was for me?hehe. i am really insane now.. dahil na din cguro sa school stress. hehe.

im really happy that im again having communication with kaye, one of my good friends who is in Florida right now. we can talk about anything, anyone, share bits of info about our friends back in highschool, share a lot of views and concerns in this whole damned life. im feeling better and better when i write to her on email. i get nostalgic and memories of long ago flood back to me and it helps me get through with the stress im currently facing.

haay.. i really want  a break. i want to get away as soon as possible. away from school, away from professors and students who make my life suck, away from people who make my heart ache, away from things and thoughts that make me so damn miserable.

why can't i just have everything i want? everything i ask  for? why should i have to suffer from the reality that there are things that im not supposed to want? when will this feeling of insanity and misery fade away? paano ba ako makakatakas?

haay..buhay..parang life! sometimes we just have to accept the fact that we can not have everything in life. we can not have the best of both worlds. and then, we have to move on. gaya na lang sa studies and sa love. i am doing great in my studies and i  feel so blessed kasi nagkautak ako ng ganito. i feel so lucky in my school stuff. but then, inisip ko, sana wala na lang ako isip para hindi na ako makapagisip. huh?hehe..it only adds up to the pain and bitterness i'm feeling whenever i think that i can never be great in love. that i can never be lucky in finding my "other half". madugas talaga ang destiny.

pero habang patuloy kong iniisip ang mga pangyayaring ito sa buhay ko, narealize ko na hindi naman ako cguro ganon kamalas. i think everything will happen in the fullness of time. I must not be impatient. kasi darating at darating din yun. Cgruo ngayon, i just have to enjoy what this life has to offer. i must not burden myself with those kind of senseless thoughts na wala naman talaga patutunguhan. but sometimes, i just can;t help but to think about you.. aarggghhh... ang hirap naman! hahaha!

   It's gettin late, but I don't want to sleep without posting anything for today. There are so many things that keeps popping in my head. So many things I want to write about. Issues about school, my classmates.. My life.. How I feel about everything that is happening around me (sigh).. But sometimes, I just can't seem to fit them all into words..

   Anyway, school was fine. As usual, our Christian education was a little boring. I've been learning about Jesus Christ since I was a kid, since then, I've loved his story. I just don't like the way our professor talks. It makes me want to go to sleep. zzZZ.. And then we had Filipino. OMG, we're goin to have a play as our Finals! yipee! It'll be a lot of hardwork, but I know it'll be a lot of fun as well. hehee..

   Speaking of Finals and exams.. haay.. We'll be receiving our midterm grades next week and I'm looking forward for it. I know I did well and I just can't wait to see how far I've gone this time.

   Here's a quote a friend had me read this morning.

   One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love?". The teacher said, "There's a wheatfield ahead. Go there and pick one leaf that you think is extraordinary and then come back here." After a few minutes, Plato came back with an empty hand. The teacher asked why. Plato said, "On my way, I saw an extraordinary leaf but I did not picked it up because I might find another ahead. But as I found another, I realized that it was not as extraordinary like the first one. Confused as I am, I ended up picking nothing. The teacher said, "That is love."

   I'm gettin sleepy.. I'll comment on this tomorrow..